Starting something new can liberate and debilitate.
I can’t seem to find the time in the days to begin. That is not accurate. I have been able to put together rough and even refined thoughts. But the next steps, actually making instead of scratching and scripting on the page takes time blocks, commitment and belief. The hesitation is partially fear of failure but also the aversion to frustration and the potential for wasting time.
I have been making doughnuts, professionally, for 12 years now. I started doughnuts as a side project.
I can’t figure it out. It’s not that I can’t figure it out. I think it’s that I committed 12 years of my life, most of my daughters childhood, to working hours that pretty much guaranteed I would not be a full part of her life. She is finishing high school this year. I’m frustrated at myself that I couldn’t figure out how to make doughnuts work, in my words, Change the World, without me sacrificing every day.
Perhaps that is the price. Sacrifice the self in order to make the exceptional. Except my greater issue is I have not achieved satisfaction from the work I have done. Every day I fall short. I show up the next day hoping to move the needle. The day ends and we are short again.
Do we look elsewhere? Is there another path? Should we start fresh?
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